Doing my patriotic duty

We took advantage of the sun and warmth yesterday to hit Cedar Point. It was fairly crowded. We rode a few rides, caught a show, had some fries and an elephant ear and left. But this post is about what happened on the Fourth of July at CP. I've been putting it off, but the Man insists that I document the incident. I'll let the three of you be the judge. I've gotten nothing but grief about this from my family.


Like I said, it was the Fourth of July and we thought, for some misguided reason, that going to CP would be a good idea. Unfortunately everyone else within a ten hour drive of the place had the same thought. The place was packed. We didn't get there until around 5Pm and our only goal was to ride the Millennium and see the fireworks. We ended up getting in plenty of rides, including the Millennium before nightfall.

We headed down to the beach for the fireworks show. The Man created us all amazingly comfortable beach recliners dug into the sand. Mine came complete with a headrest thanks to my bag. The beach was filling up fast and it wasn't long before we were surrounded on all sides.

Right behind us there were two young men. It was obvious that they were employees of the park who were off duty. One was Slovenian or Slovakian, I didn't quite catch it. The other (and I'm tipping my hand in this story by naming him this) was the Stupidest American on the Beach. I'm just going to script out their conversation, along with my reactions. The fireworks show was going on this entire time, but it wasn't so loud as to drown out this unfortunate conversation.

Eastern European Tax Break Employee: In my country the fireworks are much brighter, much higher.

Idiot: Oh yeah?

EETBE: Yes. They have more colors and are bigger too.

Idiot: Sounds nice.

EETBE: This is an American holiday?

Idiot: Yeah, it's an American thing.

EETBE: What is it called?

Idiot: It's the Fourth of July.

EETBE: I know that, but does it have another name?

Idiot: Nope, just Fourth of July. Makes it easy to remember.

I think, "Independence Day" must have too many syllables for you!

EETBE: Ah. (long pause) So what is it that it celebrates?

Idiot: Ummm.....It's got something to do with the starting of the country.

EETBE: You don't know?

Idiot: No, I know. It's just hard to explain. I don't know all the details.

EETBE: You don't know the history of your own country?

Idiot: Well see, they teach all of it like when you're in the fourth grade and then you don't get back to it again, so it's hard to remember. But Fourth of July is when the country started.

He did NOT just say that! Oh, please stop talking!

EETBE: So then, what year did this country start?

Uh-Oh..

Idiot: Ahhhh....ummm.....something like....ahhhh.....1804?

What? What did he say? AHHHHHHHH!

EETBE: You don't know?

Idiot: Like I said, that was a long time ago (very long pause). No wait! It was 17...92.

EETBE: Oh.

This has to stop. I'm going to lose my mind!

Idiot: No wait, wait. It was 177......

I hold my breath. Will he redeem himself? Redeem us all?

Idiot: 9!

I snap. Literally. I wheel around in my chair made of sand and scream over the fireworks...
"1776! For Christ's Sake!"

I fall back and behind me the stunned silence falls like an iron wall.

The Man leans over. "That was really rude! What's the matter with you?"

The Girl chimes in, "Yeah Mama, why were you yelling at that guy?"

"He had it coming", I say fiercely. But as I am criticized by my family I start to feel I little bad for my behavior.

Finally the two behind me come out of their shock.

EETBE: (Mutters quietly)

Idiot: Yeah, 1776. That sounds right. That was the year of the Boston Tea Dance.

I didn't say a word.