The names in the following story have been changed to protect the confused. This is a true tale. There's no way I could make this up.Me: Biff, I need to talk to you. Yesterday after you left, (He had fallen into the only puddle of water on the whole playground soaking himself completely.) Igor was waving around a $20 bill telling everyone you gave it to him.
Biff: I didn't give him anything.
Me: Really? Because he said you did. Hey Igor! Come here! Where did you get that $20 yesterday?
Igor: He gave it to me. (He points at Biff who starts to shake his head wildly.)
Me: Okay Igor, thanks. Go back to recess.
Biff: I didn't give him any money.
Me: I'm talking about this money right here. (I open my desk drawer and take out a battered $20 bill. Biff looks totally alarmed.)
Biff: You see what happened is that I didn't have any pockets so I dropped it at lunch and Igor picked it up.
Me: Did you know Igor had your money?
Biff: Yeah.
Me: Did you ask for it back?
Biff: No. He can keep it. (Biff is shuffling around now, staring at the floor.)
Me: No, I don't think so. $20 is a lot of money. Where did you get it?
Biff: Acme gave it to me.
Me: Acme? Acme who?
Biff: (exasperated) Acme Bullwinkle!
Me: And whose class is he in?
Biff: I don't know.
Me: What grade is he in?
Biff: I don't know.
Me: Is he older than you or younger than you?
Biff: We're the same age!
Me: Okay good, so he's in the second grade!
Biff: No, he goes to a different school.
Me: Do you know what school?
Biff: Northwood.
Me: Then Acme is older than you. Big kids go to Northwood.
Biff: I said he was 12!
Me: No, you said you were the same age. Are you 12?
Biff: No, I'm 8!
(A long pause while I try to digest all of this.)
Me: When did Acme give you this money?
Biff: Yesterday morning so I could go buy stuff.
Me: Where did you see him?
Biff: On the street.
Me: Were you waiting for the bus?
Biff: He doesn't ride my bus.
Me: But you were waiting for your bus?
Biff: I don't know.
Me: Is Acme usually outside when you are waiting for the bus.
Biff: Sometimes.
Me: So he's your neighbor?
Biff: (clearly fed up with my questions) No!
(I have a take a deep breath here.)
Me: He's your friend, right?
Biff: I guess.
Me: Did you tell him you lost the money?
Biff: Yeah.
Me: Was he mad?
Biff: No, he doesn't care.
Me: No?
Biff: No!
Me: Okay. What were you supposed to buy with the money?
Biff: Chips and pop and stuff.
Me: What store were you going to buy it from?
Biff: I don't know. I'm not allowed to go to the store.
(Right around this time a found myself blinking uncontrollably. What does that mean?)
Me: Biff, I've got to tell you that this story isn't making any sense at all. I mean none of it. Not a word. I'm getting the feeling that you're not telling something.
Biff: I didn't give Igor $20!
Me: Yeah, I got that. I think I'm going to have to give mom a call on this one. Okay?
Biff: She doesn't know anything either.
Me: I have no doubt on that one.
3 comments:
good gravy! i think i would have just walked away. you are waaaaaay better than me! :)
Don't you love it? This is no different than the type of conversation I would have had with my juniors or sophomores. I perpetuate it just because it gets so insane. And the parents, in many cases, are just as unfathomable.
I had a parent conference due to the student's habitual tardiness. The parent was 15 minutes late to the conference. Big surprise. NOT.
Nice template! Where did you get it?
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